8 Important People A Flower Subscription Saves
Need more help than that? Need to know what flower is best for what occasion? Fine. I’ll write you a guide. Only because I love you. Want to know how much I love you? What’s your address? (I’ll send you flowers).
A flower subscription saves...
Caregiver. Advice teller. First friend. Listening Ear. Rent helper when you’re running low and spent your paycheck on Jackie at the club.
How do you sum up your love for such a wonderful woman in one flower?
An Orchid. Beautiful, elegant, wise: Just like your mother.
She’ll open up that beautiful package, smell that wonderful flower, and think to herself ‘raising him was almost worth giving up my spare time, career, and bikini body. Almost.’
Your Grandma is a wonderful woman that you should call more. But, if you don’t have time to call, feel free to send her a beautiful bouquet containing Hydrangeas. Better yet, stop by her house and give them to her yourself.
Honestly, this subscription would be worth it just to give your grandma a new bouquet of flowers each month. Unless, of course, you don’t think that saint of a woman deserves her own flowers. That’s fine, I hope you don’t grow to regret that decision in a couple of years…
Warning: We are not responsible to compensate you for any hours lost to completing IT work for your grandmother if you choose to stop by her house to deliver the flowers. Just google the problem, it’s not that hard, and she’ll think you’re a genius. While you’re at it, just sign grandma up for her own subscription. She’ll love it.
Nothing says ‘thanks for being there for me, man’ like a snapdragon.
It’s 2018, we get our boys flowers now. It’s not weird, it’s not ‘girly’, and caring what other people think has always been lame in the first place. A real man tells his bro he cares about him with a good old bouquet of flowers.
You may think this is a joke, or sounds dumb, but imagine for one second that your boy shows up at your door with a bouquet of flowers, for no other reason than to tell you he appreciates your friendship.
Sounds pretty nice, huh? Yeah, now wipe those tears out of your eyes and get your bro a bouquet of snapdragons. A ‘Bro-quet’ if you will
Also, it has dragon in the name. Dragons are sick.
The love of your life. Your one and only. How do you let this girl know how special she is to you?
This one’s obvious: Roses.
The perfect symbol of romantic love and beauty. The perfect symbol of your feelings for your girl.
It’s a classic, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
4-Your Angry Wife
Your wife is mad at you? How’s that possible? I mean, you got her those red roses and everything. Wait, you did get her the flowers, didn’t you?
What do you mean you didn’t!? Dude. Come on. This is why you need a subscription service for flowers. We wouldn’t be in this mess if you were signed up, would we? Ok. Fine. Whatever. You’re going to need some REALLY good flowers to make up for this.
Yeah, red roses are cool, but apparently you guys are actually broke and need to fix something. To do that, you’re going to need to get creative. Luckily, we have options for you. You need to get that girl a Peony. A Peony is a big beautiful and unique flower symbolizing passionate love.
She’ll be like “wow, a Peony? Maybe he cares about me more than I thought.”
Thank me later, for now, get her that Peony.
5-Your REALLY Angry Wife
The Peony made her even angrier?? That’s not possible.
Actually wait a second, it really isn’t possible. There’s only one option here.
You didn’t get her the Peony, did you? Dude. Stop what you’re doing right now and just sign up. It’s great, it’s easy, and you won’t even have to think about ordering the flowers, because they’ll come to you on a regularly scheduled interval.
Ok. This is your last shot. But yes, we have a bouquet that can salvage your relationship.
Step into my lab with me. The key from here is more flowers; a bigger bouquet, more peonies, more impact, more apology.
6-Your New Girlfriend
Cool. You forgot to sign up or buy the flowers, so now we’re here. New girlfriend time.
I’ll tell you what flowers to get, but it doesn’t matter, you won’t remember to buy them anyways. How can I trust you anymore when you keep doing this to me? To us? Your girlfriend and I deserve better.
But, if you insist on hitting on a new girl, may I recommend the Lily? They’re chill, they’re fun, and they show this new girl that you put some thought into what to get her.
7-Your Wife Came Back
You signed up!? And you’re telling me that the flowers you got sent in the mail you sent to your Wife with an apology note, and she agreed to take this newer more sensitive version of you back???
Congratulations! I told you it would all work out in the end! Ok, you’ve been given a second chance. Luckily, with these flowers coming in at every important occasion, it would be pretty hard for you to screw this up. What about springing a ‘Just because’ bouquet on her, because if there’s one thing a girl like more than flowers, it’s flowers for no apparent reason.
This is an obvious one but it had to be mentioned; time, your brain space, the hassle of finding a new girlfriend, the hassle of apologizing your wife and having to watch the Bachelor like you’re interested, subscription flowers solves all of these. Not to mention you get free delivery with The Real Man Flower Plan, so also money. It’s a no brainer.