Flower Receiving: A Role Reversal

 

Let’s face it guys: giving flowers to women is a necessary part of a happy life. It may not be one that we like, it may not be one that we really understand, but it is one of the things that we learn to accept in order to make life a little bit easier (at least if we want to have any women be a part of our lives…). Maybe you want to smooth things over because you messed up. Buy some flowers. It’s a special day and you didn’t plan ahead enough to order that thing your special lady actually wants. Buy some flowers. Somebody you know gives birth to a tiny human. Guess what, you buy some flowers.

But what if this expectation was reversed and women bought the flowers for men?

Imagine for a second being at work when a huge vase full of about 30 roses shows up with balloons that say “Happy Anniversary!” with hearts and ribbon and glitter and whatnot. How would the woman in your life react to this?

She would probably be a little bit giddy and even vindictive as she saw the jealous reactions of some of her female co-workers that she likes a little less.

But how would you react? My guess is that your first reaction would be a little bit of confusion. You might think something like “Oh, is it already our anniversary again?” There might also be some guilt and panic if you hadn’t also sent something to your significant other. Let’s hope you can find something last minute that will equal the value of the gift you just received. Wait, didn’t some of the other dudes you work with get more like 50 roses on their anniversaries? You might be in trouble without even knowing it, or their wives love them more than your wife loves you. Or maybe you aren’t bringing home enough money to be worth the extra flowers. And Steve even got a stuffed bear, so something is absolutely wrong.

But what are you going to actually do with this huge pot of slowly dying plants? Women generally display their flowers proudly as if they are an embodiment of the love and affection that the person who gave them to her feels (which makes it pretty weird when they start to wither and die). But, most men certainly do not feel the same way about them.

We want things to have some practical value. They probably aren’t going to taste great, so eating them isn’t the best option (also, some flowers are poisonous, so this gift might even be an attempt at assassination). There is probably even some expectation that you should keep them alive for a certain amount of time. If you let this lovely present die within the first few days, it can’t be seen as a good sign for your relationship, right?

This “gift” has now become an extra responsibility that you didn’t really ask for. There has to be some positive effect from getting flowers as a guy, if we just get creative enough. If you work in a cubicle, you could always try to use the flowers to block your bosses view of your desk, making it easier to mess around on your phone or read the latest news on your sports team without getting caught. Maybe some farmer will take your bouquet to feed to his goats and give you a kebab in exchange.

But if you really want to get the best bang for your buck, you could rip all of the petals off and use them to make a trail to the bedroom. Now there is an anniversary gift every guy would be happy with!