Rumble in Your Balls: A Man’s Guide To Why Women Love Flowers

Why do women love flowers so very much, it’s often hard to fathom as a man, sure they’re pretty and they smell nice but they die in a week, whilst women act like they are the cure to polio. I’ve got a theory that might help bridge the gap; I call it the ‘rumble in your balls’ factor.

Let’s start by thinking back to when you were a little grommet, let’s go with the ripe old age if eight, throwing rocks at stuff, burning bugs, taking your bmx off some sweet jumps, half-assing your homework, now I want to you think back to the first time you saw a real motorbike (you can replace this with Hemi, Jet ski, Chainsaw, Rifle), the kind you can hear from four blocks away.

I want you to really take yourself back there, standing there in your Chuck Taylors, looking at the sky because you think a jet is coming, the road starts to vibrate, all sound drains from the air except for that 1200CCs of pure man-bike as it thumps past you; the anonymous rider’s leather jacket flapping in the wind, a cute girl with a tattoo on her leg clinging to this man, a blinding glint of sun reflecting off the chromed everything, and a shockwave from the engine so intense it hits you in the chest, or more importantly, it rumbles your little balls.

What you didn’t know was that rumbling created a new neural pathway in your freshly developing brain, an association to what you aspire to be as a man and motorbikes (or whatever rumbled your balls), that neural pathway would stick with you throughout your lifetime.

Now I would like you to play a little pretend for me, imagine it’s Valentines Day, you come home from work and your partner got you a brand new Triumph Scrambler in British Racing green with a checkered racing stripe down the middle, wrapped exhaust, and dropped hangers, this is your Valentines present! I wouldn’t blame you if your eyes got a bit sweaty.

Your balls are rumbling at the thought of this, aren’t they? Think of the gratitude you would have for your partner, to know you so well, to want to make you so happy she picked the perfect present just to show she cares.

Now flip the situation, the association is between women and everything they aspire to be as a women and flowers, at some point in their lives flowers have been their motorbike, maybe it was a in a playground watching a bee hover around a honey suckle, being a flower barer at a wedding, or that first date, even getting out of hospital, whatever it was, the neural pathway was formed and they have grown up cherishing flowers.

With this new understanding, imagine if you could evoke the ‘sweaty eyes’ response of a new motorbike in your partner at one-thousandth the cost. Sounds easy? Probably should do it more