The 5 Times Flowers Are Not An Appropriate Gift
1. If said person is allergic to flowers
Starting this one out with a softball. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that you shouldn’t give someone with flower allergies a bouquet. Luckily for us, if you think that’s a good idea, we’re no longer liable. Thank you, lawyers!
2. If They Own Their Own Flower Shop
If someone owns their own flower store, also known as a florist for the uninitiated, you may think to yourself ‘well, I know what they really like! I might as well get them some more of what they love as a gift!” Bad move. Our flowers are affordable, beautiful, and come in a timely manner. I can tell you for a fact that someone owning a florist would not want to be reminded that there is an easier, better and more affordable option out there. (Sorry Aunt Rachel, I still like your shop!)
3. If Their Religion is Deeply Offended by Flowers
I gotta be honest, we’re just covering our bases with this one. To the best of my knowledge, and the knowledge of my lawyer Timmy Jr., all of the religions are down with flowers. But, if you find out that some religions have some weird anti-petal bias, then you DEFINITELY shouldn’t send flowers to them. Religion can be tricky, and we don’t want anyone to come complaining to us if you offend them with our flowers.
4. If They Lost a Loved One in a Flower Related Incident
I’m not sure how someone could die at the hands of a flower, but if that did ever happen, you shouldn’t send flowers to their loved ones. I’m sure that could be taken as some form of harassment. Normally flowers are great for funerals, but for this one specific incident, you might want to find an alternative. It’s like when my Grandpa Joe was run over by a hearse; to get him to his funeral we just strapped him to the top of our hatchback and drove to the church. Timmy Jr. (my lawyer) told me I shouldn’t tell that story, but I think I can trust you guys.
5. If They Are a Super Man-like being whose ‘Kyrptonite’ is flowers
This could be a life or death situation. This type of thing is why I’m always telling people how important it is to memorize the list of Superhero weaknesses. What if a superhero saved the city from an asteroid and you were so excited that you gave them a bouquet, but you didn’t realize that was their one weakness? Well, we’d be on the hook for a ton of money in property damages the next week when a giant gorilla shows up and destroys a city block.
Alright, awesome, that’s it! Our super professional and the highly expensive legal team has decided that those are the only 5 times in which flowers are not an appropriate gift! So, if you’re not sure whether or not you should get someone flowers as a gift, be sure to consult this list first! In all other cases, flowers are a winner.