The 7 Deadly Sins of Flower Giving

Etiquette is more than a French word. There are rules to this game. In the same way that a “Get Well Soon” card won’t fly on your grandmother’s birthday, the wrong step in sending flowers can spell disaster.

That being said, here are seven of the most egregious sins in the world of flower-sending.

1-Wasting on the Wilted

You might feel frugal for getting discount flowers at a roadside stand, but it’s not about you. It’s about the girl. To her, a dozen soggy roses are a dozen reasons to throw in the towel on this relationship. Drooping petals are a no-no. When you hand her that bouquet, the only thing you want falling to the floor is the cup of coffee she drops out of shock.

Pay close enough attention to those petals to be sure they aren’t looking sick and sorry. It reflects on your ability to pay attention to the great care that amazing gal puts into her own appearance. She wants you to notice her new haircut, the earrings she bought, the weight she lost. The same goes for the living plants you present to her on any occasion.

2-Sending Mixed Signals

Unless your woman’s favorite color is yellow, steer clear of the color on romantic occasions. Just like a traffic light, yellow flowers mean anything other than “let’s go.” This is especially true in a new relationship. So don’t be surprised if you deliver gold Chrysanthemums on Valentine’s Day, only to climb into bed and hear her say, “I thought you just wanted to be friends.”

The same goes for carnations. You mean that bold flower your hot prom date pinned on you that memorable night? Yeah, when you were seventeen. And unless you married your high school sweetheart, carnations confess you have the maturity of a varsity running back and the emotional depth of a 1994 Oldsmobile Cutlass.

3-Forsaking Florists

In the modern age, grocery stores are a one-stop shop for everything. But we can’t advise getting flowers from your local tanning spa/video rental/pizza parlor.

Stores like Kroger and Wal-Mart may have a “flower attendant” four days out of the year, but only a true florist has the means to focus on this one crucial craft. They’ll sort, fluff, arrange, inspect, and wrap so you get your money’s worth.

No point in pleasing her with blooms that read “Piggly Wiggly” on the tag. (And we both know you’ll forget to remove the tag.)

4-Sending Sexy Flowers for a Funeral

Sigmund Freud might tell you that nothing makes the human psyche more ready to reproduce than the presence of an embalmed corpse. Sigmund Freud died in 1939. Even if a crisply written obituary ignites your libido, best keep it to yourself. There is a time to mourn and a time to woo. Never the twain shall meet, as far as arrangements go.

You might want to show the family that you remember your late Aunt Judith’s favorite colors were red and white. But if you order a luxurious smear of red roses, glossy white lilies, and flirting daisies in a round ruby vase for her funeral, you’ll be priming the rumor mill for sure.

The opposite rings true as well. That gladiolus display may look like the perfect firework on a pedestal to surprise your wife with on her birthday, but it’s also made to sit next to a casket.

5-Poor Pairings

When done right, a strong combo is a winner. Maybe flowers alone aren’t enough to spoil her. But that’s no license to go careless with your combinations. A well-arranged bouquet can fail big when partnered with a lesser item.

Well, look at that! You found discount chocolates on aisle 6 at the CVS, right between the baby formula and the mouthwash. Did you notice the Hello Kitty theme? She will. Think again.

And that eight-dollar bottle of wine straight from the verdant fields of Kansas? Prepare for the grapes of wrath!

That stuffed bear looks like it’s seen better days. Unless you’re Tim McGraw at the county fair, she won’t like it or love it.

If you can afford a jeweled necklace to put around her neck, flowers are an excellent prelude. But what if you got her pendant from a claw machine and the heart-shaped trinket says “Be Mine” on it? Get yourself a choker, because you’ll be in the dog house.

6-When It All Goes to Pot

Orchids and other potted plants are elegant and stately, but consider the commute. Imagine your date having to awkwardly lug around a clay pot full of dirt after finishing her dinner at the Ritz. Check please?

Say no to pots. Unless they’re delivered to her home, they’re likely to be thrown at you.

7-No Black Flowers. Ever

Unless you’re married to Morticia Addams, no. Just No. Black is back…to the drawing board.

You know her. She’s one-of-a-kind. And you know you screw up on occasion. That’s where experts like Real Men Buy Flowers come in. Take our word for it. With our help, you can navigate these waters. Avoid these sins, and you’ll be home free. Grace will take care of the rest.

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