The Origin of Giving Flowers

A lot can be said with a simple bunch of flowers; Geez you’re tops, I want sexy times, I don’t know how you put up with me, I f*$ked up, I royally f*$ked up...can you wear that thing you bought in Paris? Needless to say, flowers have played an important part of human procreation and in turn our evolution.

Time for a history lesson of sorts, about flowers.

Floriography , the study of the language of flowers, feel free to drop that at your next poker night, is so abstract that spell check doesn’t even know the word, but this language has been on the evolution hamster wheel since we decided to stand on our hind legs. Cavemen, even with their tiny peanut sized brains understood that flowers were a key to a happy relationship. Fossils of flowers have been found next to the bones of early man getting a hand job from early female (supported by not fact but it’s a nice thought).

Next up the ancient civilizations knew how to take flowers to the next level, Ancient Greeks, Egyptians, Mayans, Chinese and Romans. Flowers were used ritualistically to celebrate and worship the gods, many of these being female. Flowers where also highly use to coax women into their mass orgies, especially the Egyptians, they were a sexually progressive bunch.

The Victorian era went for a complete over-correct on the misgivings of the ancients to become hyper conservative. In a time when dating apps didn’t exist, and staunch etiquette did, you would struggle to ask a girl to the movies let alone get under her corset for a bit of Shakespeare and Chill. Such a nuanced language of flowers was developed to get circumvent the stuffy rules imbued by the monarch. The distinct purpose put on flowers was so intricate, it didn’t just cover color, size, condition, any accompanying flowers, but also the hand from which it was given and even flowers’ position in relation to other flowers all had different meanings without saying a peep. The even wrote several dictionaries on this language of flowers, they we’re supposedly real page turners.

The best example of this was the yellow or striped carnation – these are known as rejection flowers, you give a little miss a yellow carnation and it is a flat no! It would have been easy to really ruin our nineties prom with a few little stripes.

Or you could give a Birdsfoot Trefoil that basically meant revenge. This was a major weapon in the arsenal of the passive aggressive. I reckon those old Westerns would get bloody boring it Birdsfoot Trefoil was dished out for sweet, sweet revenge, Clint Eastwood would not approve.

So in it’s only little way, flowers were one of the first ever dating apps, swiping left of right with petals.

A lot of these Victorian custom have carried through to present day, flowers are still doused with meaning, but it’s more of a do’s and don’t then ‘here, have this Basil flowers, I want to bath in your blood’ or ‘I got you a Walnut plant because I think your brain is sexy’. Even just a century ago a florist was a highly regarded job in society, you had to be highly educated with years of study and understanding of these complex beautiful little dangers, these days you can sort amazing flowers for all your special occasions with purpose an clarity year in under 4 minutes.

Real Men Buy Flowers has got your back. The future, how good is it?